We. Are. Superheroes. OR, How I Channel My Rage

I'm self-publishing Tempest Makers this year. I have a date in my head, but it's not set in stone until I can officially sort out the cover design, formatting, marketing, and finish with final editing.

But the point is I will self-publish a story by the end of the year.

When I realized I'd publish soon, the first emotion I felt was joy, followed by nausea, then relief (not relief from throwing up, because I didn't). The sense of knowing I'm so close to transferring my energy from this story to the next is invigorating.

It's said when you publish the first story, the rest fall out of your head and onto paper.

Yeah. I get that now.

DUH, I'm a little nervous, but I'm happy/surprised I'm taking this all so well. I'm pretty sure it's because I have a great source of writers who've successfully self-published and are happy to help me.

My choice to self-publish came after a lot of thought, but the reason most important to me was that I wanted to see if I could do it. I dated a guy several years ago, and he said he thought I was brilliant because instead of not knowing the answer to a question and going on with life not finding out the answer, I look for the answer. I was flattered because, 1, this guy was not one to freely give out ego boosters like that, and 2, I care about the Answer, whatever it is. I'm curious about it. I'd like to know________. When I know, I'll either look more into it, or tuck it away in the Random Crap File and maybe bring it up at a party, Gathering, or interview (Not as unprofessional as you may think.).

I guess I don't see a reason in slowing down my momentum or deciding now is a good time to put on rose-tinted glasses.

I understand being tired, and falling out of love with your writing, and getting into fights with it, and having an ugly cry because it hates you because you've read and/or edited the same line that feels like a zillion times, and you 2 take a break to "see other people," to come back and fall in love all over again.

If I do decide to publish with a House, I'll know what I'm doing. I'll understand the "guts" of promotion and working with others as a writer with an editor's perspective and if there is an issue with or question about promotions, formatting, cover design, etc., I'll be able to verbalize my needs in an intelligent way.

Is what I'm doing nuts? …Relative to what?

Is what I'm doing easy? Things are easier when you're prepared to be flexible. We didn't go to the moon because it was easy, and look at how much we know now. Look at how much is possible.

One of the most important reasons to publish at all was brought on by the catalyst of rage. Pure, bright, white, molten hot light of Rage. I'm not going to go into the origin story for the Rage. I'm focusing on what I did with it. To be fair and honest, I'm human (shocked, I know), and it took about 2 days to process the situation to where I was able to focus, but I knew in the early stages of the rage I needed—it was imperative—that I channel it in a positive way. My awareness was raised enough to know, the rage wasn't going to go away and I needed to do something with it. I reasoned with myself. I told myself, if I physically act on this rage, I'll end up arrested or dead. I had stories to publish, so getting arrested or dying would mess that up all to hell. Eventually, I calmed down, tweaked a scene, and it was a defining moment that added the right amount of conflict to Tempest Makers. The story went from "bubblegum" to "Yes. Yes, I just went there," especially compared to the next 2 stories where, now that I think about it, I'm going to have to make sure lighter scenes are added because of what has to be in those stories to allow for flow.

One foot in front of the other.

You are More Than a Vessel for Bad Pate´, OR, Brain Deconstructed

Full disclosure: You may have done, or are still doing, stupid stuff, but deep down, you are a smart person. Everyone has the potential to build a super collider, but some of us choose to put a paperclip in an electrical outlet.

***

Quite a lot has happened since my last post. The short version is I think I had a mental break down/upgrade/low-grade epiphany/self-exorcism kind of thing occur. While my brain reassembled, and writing struggled to come to me, it gave me time to get a more holistic view of what is going on in the world.

Wow. My timing is, and continues to be, impeccable.

This isn't my first trip Being Undone, so I feel a bit seasoned when it comes to falling apart and then coming back together again. It's just my version of picking myself up after falling. Everyone has their version. Some of us are professionals. The point is to Come Back Together [comments about Enlightenment redacted].

But I'm rambling.

I've noticed recently people seem to be overwhelmed (more so than usual). We're bombarded with so much information. Unless you know what is and isn't crap, you're getting it too fast powered by too much emotion to process it properly. Domino Effect- 40. Mob mentality-30. Common sense-15. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I've begun to actively seek information from sources that do not rely on over stimulating the senses to get attention. I've noticed the subtly of that tactic.

A large chunk of the beauty of what is emerging is that we are figuring things out. We are sorting out for ourselves what we do and do not deem okay, and we are getting there, not really on our own but On Our Own. You see someone touch a hot skillet, you learn that touching a hot skillet may not be a wise choice. You see another way to pick up a hot skillet. Hark! An oven mitt!

The key is education, and it's very simple. Everything has a history to give us context. Most of the time, the history is fascinating. For example, rarely does a war begin out of the blue with the first shot. A series of things led to the first blast.

If you had to place a label on my household, it is liberal [comments on the current political system redacted]. My husband read two biographies, one about Richard Nixon and the other on Barry Goldwater written by Rick Perlstein. My husband read the biographies because he wanted to understand the origins of the modern Republican Party so when he watches/reads/listens to the news he has a better idea of what the hell is going on with a portion of our political system. He's done this with other political, religious, social, etc. topics. My husband is a quiet, technological, hermit genius. He's cool like that.

One of the best things I've ever learned about not believing in something I learned from the 1st true nonconformist I'd ever met. He said (and I'm paraphrasing because it's been at least 15 years), 'I believe if you're not going to believe in something, you should read and understand why you don't believe in something before you choose not to believe in it. The same goes for believing in something.'

Watching all the beauty and horror in the world has helped me have an angle of perspective I didn't have a few weeks ago. Solutions show up in my consciousness. I think the joy and challenge for me, as it has been for other writers, is to take the clay and work it into stories for people who want to have a conversation and let the talk go where the talk goes. Sometimes the truth of reality is too much and to place it in a palatable medium of fiction makes the fact of real life easier to deal with when we're bombarded with "reality" TV [comments on Reality TV redacted].

More thoughts are sure to follow.

Like Somebody dumped Canterbury Tales all over a Modern Map, Part 1, Or, One Mother of an Opening Line

"I lost an arm on my last trip home."

Now that is how to start a story. I can't think of any other sentence that has such impact and meaning, and not be completely understood until The End.

So many questions.

It took a while to read Octavia Butler's Kindred, but I'm glad I did. Many parts of the story were hard to read. I found myself putting down the book, doing something, anything, else, before picking up the book again.

The story has so many layers of conflict, I don't know where to begin. I love the element of surprise, so I tend to be a stickler about spoilers. I'm trying to figure out how to talk about the novel's impact without giving anything away.

You know what's going to happen, but you don't really know.

It's taken me a while to attempt to "verbalize" how important this story is, and how it, in many ways, still resonates now as vibrantly as it did when it was first published.

Okay, I think what really stuck out for me were the relationships among the characters. It was like looking at a panoramic snap shot of ignorance-driven envy and it not being inauthentic. And not inauthentic from a historical point of view, as in, I wasn't there, how would I know, but not being inauthentic from the point of view of people treating each other like crap. It’s a matter of have and have-not. You-have-something-I-want-You-have-something-better-You-are-treated-better.

'Know anyone like this?

I think great stories are universal. The Universality is either very deep at the core or hovers just at the surface. I'm sure someone's already mentioned this. Great stories are the discussions that last long into the night, where there are agreements and agreements to disagree. Great stories are the maps that change from the medieval print of mythical beasts and personified clouds blowing winds toward exotic lands, to the time of Amerigo Vespucci, to any and all versions of Yugoslavia over that last 100 years. The same world. Different views.

I'm sure I'll touch on or around this topic again. But for now, this will have to do.